On Columns and their Use

The mighty Noisms, Lord of the Balance, has commissioned from all the grandees of the Post-OSR a column about…columns! Hah! Grognardia would approve! On a more serious note, how to make columns interesting is a worthwhile topic for discussion. They do not always appear because it takes a while to move beyond the primitive but functional ‘geometric shapes connected by corridors’ or the Logo-Dysonian ‘boxes smashed into other boxes forming an unwholesome architectural tumor.’ You generally need a bit of that ole’ appréciation noétique or the ole’ gygaxianischer naturalismus, a desire to create areas that are shaped in the image of real places, or meant to convey the atmosphere of the dark tombs of distant antiquity.

All of which is nice and certainly valid but the question, how to make columns interesting in a role-playing game should be tackled at the most fundamental level, that of gameplay.

What is a column? A miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at thee!

The first and most obvious use of the column is as a complication. If you use a proper grid and minis they can provide cover, restrict space and thus giving the DM an excuse to enforce weapon length [1], break up formations, and conceal deadly foes. If there is no precise mapping being used, many of these elements can still be used but they become flat and static conditions, applied to the area at large, which is easier but much more boring.

If we look at columns on the level of exploration and interaction, several interesting avenues present themselves. Columns are designed to support ceilings, therefore destroying them (sledgehammers or pickaxes) could trigger a collapse, possibly burying a tenacious foe under tonnes of rubble. We could also elect to consider the effect of characters toppling a lone column onto said enemy, somewhere between 3d6 – 6d6+ damage depending on its size. In Palace of Unquiet Repose the palace of Uyu-Yadmogh has one rather oddly placed column of indestructable adamant that can be used to trap/entangle the horrific Diorag the Breaker, revenant Demigod of Strength.

Columns in ancient egypt were covered with hieroglyphics. Doing this, occasionally, is a good way convey some hint of the nature of the ancient civilization the old dungeon belonged to. You get additional points if you move this information away from the realm of background information and into that of actualization. This is the ideal I applied in Palace of Unquiet Repose. The lore about the dungeon should provide some aid in its exploration. The location of a secluded vault, the weakness of one of its ancient guardians or traps or even just a hint at their presence and abilities. This can be interspersed with the usual curses, magical writing and comes with language hindrances (giving the thief’s read languages a chance to shine, or forcing the party to cast either comprehend languages or hire an interpreter). Another obvious move is to fill them with secret doors.

The column as monster: There are assuredly many ideas that could be applied although the most obvious one has been with us since 1981.

Most of the applications will be some variant of that:
* You could have a large central column decorated with a vast tableau of the heroic mythology of the ancient civilization, and have the images from the tableau step forth at a rate of 1-2 per round with different abilities so you are fighting an entire heroic cycle!
* Columns could be covered with eyes of horus that fire baleful rays, or turn men to stone.
* Columns that are illusory (the nature of the ceiling should provide a clue to attentive PCs), with secret passageways or murderous desert dervishes hiding within.
* If you are running a ruleslite you could just have a single statue animate and step forth and then claim you invented something and are a game designer because your game does not have a bestiary
* Mimics pretending to be columns. As always, ceiling should provide a clue.
* In the sunken complex of Aristagoreas the Polymath, a life-draining anti-conceptual force known as the αντιφλόγα is too abstract to interact with the mortal world directly takes the shape of the familiar column. While it is being observed, it is bound to such a shape but may work its inimical energies upon the party. When not observed, it can move in the blink of an eye. While in column shape it is subject to the usual methods of destruction.
* Have the entire greco-roman temple animate to form some sort of giant marble centipede golem with the columns forming the legs. Be prepared to lose a few PCs if not properly telegraphed/fine-tuned.
* Caryatid columns are statuary and therefore suspicious so why not go for Animate Object and have the entire column uproot itself and hop or roll after the PCs?
* Columns as boulders or impromptu clubs for a passing Titan!
* As always, surprise only comes if there are plenty of anti-patterns. Most columns should just be columns.

Noetically, the column is a signifier for antiquity and recalls a lost age of sophistication and splendor. He who employs the column creates a sense of history. It is always more compelling to see dungeons that are more then abstract geometries but instead have in them something of a genuine structure. Whether the effect so such momentous efforts are lost on your players will depend on the individual group.

Should suffice.

[1] Giving the author an excuse to use footnotes to feign academic credentials and thereby legitimacy