No Artpunk entry #15: Melonath Falls

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The Discovery of America, Salvador Dali

Melonath Falls
Trent Smith
17 Pages
Lvl 3 – 5

A recurring trend in the discourse of the contemporary OSR, that is to say, not the movement that kept playing AD&D and strove to rediscover and rekindle enthusiasm for this venerable hobby, but the people that were attracted by that movement were in the 3rd wave whose retroclones departed more from the original mould, has been a critique of many of the procedures and trappings of ‘old’ D&D in favor of contemporary “innovation” or simplification. This is a process that repeats across many different fields and strata of society. “Yes we like the idea but the actual material was badwrong and you should buy our material, which takes only the good stuff.”

This ‘discourse’ takes place in tiny covens of the literati in complete isolation of anyone who would ever be knowledgeable about the actual game that is being discussed and has reached such brilliant conclusions as “Caves of Chaos can be boiled down to a 1-page dungeon”, “You don’t really need procedure X, Y or Z” and “Here is a list of commandments for Artpunk that boil down to 75% Oldschool D&D + My Identity politics of choice!” and what a great feat indeed, to reach all these sagacious insights in a solipsistic vacuum, unburdened by even a hint of prior knowledge. The result is largely junk, prevailing and proud illiteracy among many of the newer players, a focus on peripherals and surface pyrotechnics and a never-ending cavalcade of games that are at best all flash and no bang. This is why we must No Artpunk.

I preface my review like so because Trent Smith, who I believe had the honor of playing with Gary Gygax himself multiple times, including his famous and lamentably never published for 1e AD&D ‘Necropolis’ module, has seen fit to enter the listings with a module that is about as AD&D as you can make it without Xeroxing Caverns of Tsjocanth and replacing all the names with the next letter in the alphabet and just handing it in and it fucking rocks but at the same time the density, prior knowledge and the thick meaty paragraphs are likely to render it inaccessible to neophyte players.

You have only begun to witness my power

Melonath Falls, or perfunctorily titled by myself, a Humanoid Lair Assault Module of Rank S+ . A 500 metre high waterfall, one of the most spectacular sights in Oerth, threaded through with a network of caverns that houses (among other things) a tribe of Xvarts that have been raiding the local area. The neighbouring logging camp is described in passing, enough for you to infer what the deal is, and with some nice complications (i.e. connections with a local brigand band). “A humanoid lair?” you exclaim. “In 2021?”

You will not find ‘le terse evocative descripcion’ anywhere in this module. What you will find is this.

The tunnel between areas 3 and 4 is only semi-submerged – the water is about 6’ deep with 4’ of air-filled cave overhead. The entrance to the small tunnel leading to area 10 is in the floor of this tunnel and is blocked by a boulder so it will only be spotted as a concealed door (and only then by someone looking under the water surface) and takes a successful bend bars roll to push it out of the way by hand (made simpler by employing levers or ropes). Cave 4 itself is the lair and spawning ground of giant frogs who are trained and kept by the bullywugs. A party that is quiet and listening carefully is 30% likely to hear these frogs croaking from as far away as area 3, thus negating any chance of surprise. There are 6 adult (3 hit die) and 8 juvenile (1 hit die) frogs here, alongside two bullywug trainers who live in this cave. In addition to harnesses as per those bullywugs in area 3 they also each carry a long (8’) prod (count as tridents) and a net, which they normally use for training and corralling the frogs but will also use in combat against intruders.

What you will find is craftsmanship and sophistication and a full understanding of how to apply the (as Settembrini calls it) ‘Gygaxian Building Blocks’ that make up THE CORE of D&D.

I could not for the life of me fit the whole thing in, maybe convert to jpg?

The map is fully mobilized, 40+ encounters, spread out over 4 caves, three dimensional, chutes, drops, multiple pathways up, partially submerged areas in the bottom. Slippery pathways lead up to the lair of the Xvarts, and there is a complicated pulley system that the Xvarts use to haul up their stolen loot. There are FUCKING SHIPS in the lake that you can conceivably cart off. It feels like a real place, complete with storerooms, latrines, barracks, temples etc. etc. Notice natural hazards, slippery pathways, high pressure currents that threaten to cast one into the fucking lake.

Elegant, functional dungeoneering maps

There’s an immense richness in the encounters proper too. The lower caverns are inhabited by a tribe of bullywugs, a giant Catfish (remember those?) in the lake, there’s a charming side cavern with cave crickets, hook horrors and a lone insane myconid gardener and his mushrooms (random effects time UNLESS you have some sort of horticultural knowledge or you befriend him), and the wonderous, a gateway to the elemental plane of water and a shrine to an ancient river god at the very top. A dungeon ecosystem.

Dozens and dozens and dozens of Xvarts. Everything from Shamans to Wizards to caves full of females and xvart younglings. FULL order of battle. That means the alarm can be sounded, stones will be thrown at Adventurers walking the path up, there’s a secret tunnel allowing a flanking force to move up behind an attacking party, the Chieftain has an animated statue of an elephant, the Shaman has a unique burning hands power, guards can wake up, there’s mustering grounds, there’s tonnes of traps, a hierarchy between the Chieftain and the Shaman, prisoners to free…THIS is how you do a humanoid lair assault.

Lower Caverns C, notice secret door leading to outside path for sallies

Notice also the complexity stacked atop of complexity, the band of wererat assassins using the Xvart tribe as a means of smuggling the addictive black and red lotus, the kidnapped relatives of the local Baron, among them a concealed Wererat assassin. There are leads or hooks that can spur on adventure in different locations. The finally, conceit of concealed treasure that only a few characters know how to find, occasionally incentivizing the taking of prisoners or sneaky use of ESP or other shenanigans.  This is one where I feel I can keep digging and digging and I will notice another interesting detail or example of the possibilities of D&D. The shrine to the rat god with a small chance of having the God himself show up and come to the defence of the Xvarts if they do battle on sacred ground. Further up a defiled shrine to a forgotten river deity, who seeks vengeance against the Xvarts that have defiled his sanctuary and stripped him of his power. Do I go into the part where you can get dragged off by a grue into the Plane of Elemental Water?

Treasure…it has reached the point where I don’t even feel like I have to pay any attention to it because there is nothing here that I can meaningfully critique. Hidden, hard to carry off, occasionally trapped, noble titles, potential allies etc. etc. The understanding supersedes my own. It’s not just the surface appearance, there are deeper layers that are revealed by investigation, command words on wands that must be discovered, secret messages written on pages of vellum. It is all encapsulated in lengthy paragraphs but not needlessly verbose. I am sure there is a way to compress some of this information but at the same time doing so in the past has led to a loss of information. How do we balance brevity and information density with complexity and sophistication? This would have been an interesting discussion to have had, but instead we get BULLET-POINTED, IMMACULATELY LAID OUT FUCKING JUNK BANALITY THAT READS LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR AND BY TODDLERS. Contrast whatever dogshit OSE or Mörk Borg module you just picked up with the text below and ask yourself if something has been lost.   

The first two (nearest the entrance) are both empty. The third and fourth hold very old corpses that have decayed almost completely away. Each wears a single piece of jewelry: the one on the north wall wears a wrought silver and gold clasp worth 900 g.p. And the one on the south wall wears a wrought gold armband worth 1,100 g.p. Sarcophagus #5 (against the north wall) is sealed by a glyph of warding that inflicts 20 points of electrical damage when the sarcophagus lid is first touched unless the glyph is removed or its name is spoken first. Inside is the corpse of the former high priest, which is more intact than the previous two but has still been dead for several centuries. He wears three pieces of jewelry – a chain of platinum set with five green tourmalines worth 5,000 g.p., a wrought gold locket worth 1,500 g.p., and a wrought gold ring worth 700 g.p. (the latter is actually a ring of fire resistance). The last sarcophagus contains a bone golem that will animate and rise as soon as the sarcophagus is opened and fight until destroyed.

Underneath the golem is a secret compartment that contains a substantial treasure hoard (once held in burlap bags that have long since rotted away): 4,182 c.p., 1,850 e.p., 7,953 g.p., and a gold chalice set with four black opals worth 8,000 g.p. Additionally, the bone golem’s left femur is a hollow bone case containing the following two items: a scroll of protection from possession, and a wand of metal and mineral detection with 31 charges. The command phrase “Invenire metallum” is carved onto the wand in common runes. However, if the wand is grasped by a dwarf or gnome the runes change to reveal a different command phrase – “Imperare metallum” – as the item is actually a wand of metal command. Note that the god Umpumitu does not consider it an offense if a group that has gained his favor by restoring the shrine (area 2) takes these treasures, but neither will he guide them to this area or warn them of the traps here.

Melonath Falls is probably not easy to run. There is the indignity of having to take copious notes. All the elegant little sub-systems for resolving say, what happens if the Xvarts attempt to cut the ropes of the elevator fill up room. Absorbing some of the room keys will take you a few extra seconds, perhaps crucial. There are absolutely some gains to be made in rendering it easier to use. Is that the most important thing? HELL NO. This is a deep, tactically complex, rich fantastical environment to explore. Innovation and caution are rewarded, stupidity is punished. There are complications upon complications, sophistications upon sophistications, branches, complexities. There is intelligence behind the overall organization and behind individual encounters within that framework.

Besides the issue of layout, it might be interesting to at some point formulate a theory on whether or not the starting premise of an adventure meaningfully affects the overall quality and what premises produce the best results but this is so far away from the scope of this contest that I won’t even deign to apply it. This is a fantastic humanoid lair, in the high mode. 

An entry so good it made me angry. Well done.


27 thoughts on “No Artpunk entry #15: Melonath Falls

  1. Good to see authors making use of height in a dungeon. That adds some tactical elements, including the simple tactic of dropping stones, and fly spells (and potions) become mighty useful. Partially decayed rooms are also a nice touch. It may be a humanoid lair, but Xvarts and Bullywugs haven’t been hunted to extinction in the manner of goblins. Many very powerful elemental magic items appear to be a lesser item at first, so the wand is a nice variant.
    Overall sounds excellent.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The wand of metal command is actually a BTB magic item (albeit from Unearthed Arcana).

      It’s ironic that the crypt is the room Prince quoted in (almost) full because there’s a significant omission in it that I realized after the fact when it was too late to send a revised version: wearing the former high priest’s platinum chain and saying a prayer to Umpumitu while opening the 6th sarcophagus will prevent the bone golem from animating. Now you know!


  2. How do we balance brevity and information density with complexity and sophistication? I do not have the definitive answer, but it must involve cutting useless information such as:

    “Inside is the corpse of the former high priest, which is more intact than the previous two but has still been dead for several centuries.”
    “(once held in burlap bags that have long since rotted away)”


    1. One method that I thought worked great for balancing brevity and information density with complexity and sophistication was the formatting/writing style used in the ACKS module AX2: Secrets of the Nethercity. The dungeon goes into extensive details about each room’s contents, but after the player-facing info in a read-aloud box, every GM-info paragraph is identified with a very visible [MONSTER], [LORE], [TRICK], [LOOT], and so on, or a combination of those identifiers. It made for an extremely usable module as a GM; at a glance I knew the most vital information about the very basics of a room’s contents, and could jump to the part I needed right away. Very strong recommendation for the module as a whole, too.


  3. This sounds like a mighty adventure, the kind of ur-beast that had once roamed the Earth (sorry, Oerth). Why they roam no more has many explanations, but it is a better use of your time to see the few remaining ones.

    Big props for exploiting the vertical element. That is always great fun in play.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As a point of order, this adventure is pointedly set in not-Oerth – all third party proper nouns have been strenuously avoided and any resemblance to them is purely coincidental! That said, it would be trivially easy to transpose a couple of names place this location on the line between hexes J4-94 and K4-94 if one were so inclined…


  4. I’m delighted to see someone else playing around with the vertical element, having a 3-dimensional space makes a huge difference for the thinking that goes in to a player’s problem-solving mindset. I also don’t see any reason for any waterfall in a fantasy would to not have secret *something* behind it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll say. I am strongly considering collecting the remaining entries and also doing No Artpunk II; Electric Boogaloo because at this rate I am going to end up leaving so many interesting entries on the cutting room floor the waste would be criminal.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. I’d agree with publishing the lot: the “winners” volume could have a piece written by you regarding the thinking behind the competition, possibly with fewer references to onanism; it could end with an essay by Melan on dungeon structure, he has to earn that bowl of steam you promised him; then also publish a “runners up” edition. I see it more as the vanguard and the main body: an army needs both. I’m sure blog readers would help any who wanted their maps “Dysoned”.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. Well done Trent — I can’t wait to see it in it’s entirety! Sound like it’s in a class all it’s own, and shows that following your own internal compass and not “what’s trending” is almost always the right way to go.

    I occurred to me that one of the perks of this contest is getting a review from Prince.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A fine review of an excellent offering. I’ve left my main thoughts at Tenfootpole. A few other things, including possible amendments:
    (i) If a push spell is ever useful, maybe area 1 of Caves C, upper level, is the place. (I would agree with JB that the 1E spell description is a bit odd.)
    (ii) The logging camp, with a fair sprinkling of mercenary and nefarious types, as the closest settlement is a welcome feature. Shades of Nulb.
    (iii) There are some nice tensions between the Xvarts and Wererats, but short of a charm, it seems they hate the party more than they dislike each other.
    (iv) The “mushroom table” on page 4 could probably do with a caption to make it clear it belongs to B, area 3. I like the Myconid gardener.
    (v) I might substitute a save vs poison for the save against spells C, 19, the latrine area. Or a Constitution check.

    The rumours table that Trent has added presents all the hooks you could want, and gives ample reasons to explore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the kind words both here and at tenfootpole.

      [manuscript vs module] that’s exactly how I thought of this – the draft manuscript that the author would hand over to the production group for another round of editing followed by layout, art, and cartography. It’s a bummer to me that nowadays one person is expected to combine the talents of what was once 4-5 different jobs (writing, editing, layout, art + cartography) and be held to a full professional standard in all of them.

      [i] yes! The xvart magic-users know Push and Grease for a reason

      [iii] probably, but a clever party might still be able to work the seams enough to provoke open conflict if they go for a stealthy rather than forceful approach (since the latter will galvanize resistance)

      [v] definitely. If the latrines require a save vs spells that was a brain fart and not intentional. Poison (or Con check) obviously makes much better sense there.


      1. I think you would be an editor’s delight: I didn’t check the stat blocks too carefully, but the whole seemed practically mistake free, and you are very comfortable writing in proper sentences. There are a number of potentially spectacular battles in terms of both foes and surroundings, so it would be great if a talented artist took an interest in producing some illustrations.
        Your main point is well made, especially given this was a contest for the gifted amateurs/semi-pros to show what they could do. In imagination and delivery they have put the current industry to shame, but they aren’t big publishing companies.

        Liked by 1 person

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